Another night, Another cold, sleepless, hungry, lonely night, I wonder where you are, And if your night is like mine
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Hey, all...
Feeling a bit pensive tonight, all by my lonesome, everyone asleep... nothing but a computer monitor to light up the deck, and nothing but too many hours' worth of work left to keep me from immersing myself in a few hours of dreamless sleep....
Hmmm....
You know, it's remarkable how similar life here is compared to where we all used to be... just as cold, just as dark.... Hardly any less light than you'd find looking out the window in a place like the City: too many lights to see the stars, and too many buildings to see the lights. And too many nights to ever really figure out whether it's lovely or horrid....
How nobody can see you... and you might find yourself cleansed in the black darkness... or you might find that it's only the world's shadow, used to cover your own....
...You might find yourself to truly be... "yourself." And, perhaps most frightening or comforting of all: you might find yourself not wanting for it to go away....
Well another one eh? heh. I look forward to meeting you, in battle and in peace; though I do believe mainly in battle my dear.
To your search for something lost, my dear you need to realise it is closer to you than you think; in my time of "freedom" I have worked along side Zion, moved to work with the Machines; then I joined the Exiles. As odd as it sounds, the Exiles feel more real and more complete to me than any other. Humanity lost it's way, Machines can only think logically... the Exiles...the Exiles choose their destiny just like Humanity once did. My point my dear, is that you never "lost" what you feel is missing, it's only changed to something else; great or worse? I can not answer that as that is something you must decide.
"Another one"?... Oh, you must think I'm new. No, I've been around for a while. I've actually been busy training a new liaison officer, which could explain why I'm still awake at 0400 hours. Then again, why do I need to explain why I'm awake at 0400 hours? Not like it's unusual....
I see, well it's nice to know you have come out to "play". Anyway I must leave, your ever so "nice" friends, the toasters are trying to track my broadcast and I don't fancy having some squidies taking my craft. Oh how I bet you miss those don't you?
It's hard, I know. But remember why we fight... If you can. It usually endears me, at least for a few more days at a time.
If you feel like just catching the breeze, Soluma, you know where to find me. Hell, bring the new Liaison if you want to, I'm looking forward to meeting them soon.
Chin up, Soluma. Times are hard, but our resolve is harder.
Sol, I know how you feel. God knows I do. I would look out of my apartment in Magog and look at the unblinking lights of the city, I felt that cold chill. I felt alone. I felt like the city would rise up and consume me darkness
And then something happened, and I lost a little bit more than my humanity in the process. Then I came here, to Zion, and I felt the same cold chill, I still felt alone. I could still see the consuming darkness rising.
It's a never ending battle, trying to escape the Shadow of the wold, trying to find your own Shadow.
I should know, all that's left of me is nothing but Shadow. Shadow of the one who died...
Mmm... how funny that someone believes they know fully how someone else feels, when they doesn't even know what she feels....
But there is always a shared spectrum of experience in any life. It may, however, not align, but at least it has it's ends. One's greatest loss could be to another a mere inconvenience, but that other has endured something else as deeply damaging, or will at some time in their life. Another's greatest day could be a trivial occurence to someone else, yet they too have their own best day to think back on with fond memories.
All the while, we try in vain to replace something unique that no longer exists, and we try to return to a place in time that could never truly be enjoyed again.
Look at me, getting all philosophical. That's what happens when I don't sleep, or when I can't, late at night.
Ugh.... Headaches are no fun. And that's something you don't need a philosopher to tell you.
There is nothing wrong with searching Soluma, I believe in the act of doing so, we have the opportunity learn something of ourselves we may not have understood before the search began.
I can only speak to my own restlessness and say when it occurs I focus on it to find its source. I believe if I strive to know myself I may find the peace that my soul aches for. But I I harbor no illusions that what I may find could be something I didn't want in the first place but once found I can never be unfound.
If all else fails to calm you. I would simply suggest find that thing, a memory, smell, taste, an image, a feeling that makes you warm and safe whenever you encounter it and focus on it. Hold it tightly around you as if it was a blanket or shroud and for as much time as you can enjoy the calm, for these brief moments is all we can afford I feel.
We live is a dangerous world and share it with those would bring harm to those you would defend with your life.
Take solace when and were you can for our futures are not guaranteed and only through perseverance can humanity truly be given a chance to have a future.
Soluma, all those honestly striving to build a better future for humanity try to do their best. But the truth is no one normal individual can ultimately turn humanity from the future we all fear. Only working together, supporting others and they in return supporting us can we magnify our strengths and minimize our weaknesses.
While it is true the exceptional individuals count for much when leadership is needed or an extreme sacrifice is to be made, only united do we ultimately stand a chance a gaining a future for all of humanity. Divided we will fail; it's as simple as that. Charismatic leaders can be silenced, like Morpheus, exceptional individuals may chose to make the ultimate sacrifice, as Neo did, but in the end those that are left behind are the ones that must continue on living and try to build humanity a better future.
Sol, I was wondering, just off the top of my head. I heard that you were a singer back in the day, have you ever given any thoughts to performing again?
I think it would be a great way to motivate the operatives, and who knows, maybe it'll help you as well in the process.
Mm, I've thought about it. And you certainly aren't the first to mention it. But the opportunity has never really properly presented itself, and it never seems like an appropriate time to take the initiative.
And again, I haven't rehearsed in ages....
But who knows... might just have to happen one of these days. I've found that opportunities rarely ever present themselves without at least some action involved. Two facing mirrors will forever reflect nothing back at each other....
I often feel the same, at night, here in this cold hovercraft. Sleep dosnt come easy to me. My thoughts often drift to why i fight, friends ive lost and why for Zion, when i could be living in the luxury of the Merovingians palace or the brutal clarity of purpose the machines have.....
Do i fight for Zion because it is my home? Or because its all ive ever known?.... I dont know.
Maybe i fight for the people, the people of Zion have no defense against powers of the Matrix, we are it....
....The First and Last line of defence....
When i was a blue pill, healing was the only thing that made the system make sense, now i find myself on the other side battling for what i feel is right.
I guess the question is why do you fight Soluma?
ZeroMark
P.S
I heard you sing when you were a bluepill, fantastic
I don't think the question is really why I fight for anything. The answer to that is simple and obvious: because it is what I feel that I must do.
The question is whether what I must do and what I want are the same thing. At first, I almost thought they were different, but then I realized how simple it is to see that what I feel I must do really is something that I want to do.
So the question really is just this: what do I really, truly want?
What I truly want, though, doesn't really matter... or at least it shouldn't... it can't... but it too often does....
It's impossibilities of this sort that hinder sleep from my eyes and bring smiles of confused fascination to my face.
Soluma, I'm going to come rattle some eating trays and steel mugs next to you this 'eve in the mess hall, and we'll see if we can make some music for you to sing along to. Maybe we can re-figure that hard disk speaker to eject some electro?.
