I had always been a little different than most people my age, when I was in Gymnasium- the Austrian equivalent of grammar school. There were a few things that set me apart from my classmates, actually. But one of the readily evident things was my diet. While my classmates ate the traditional continental meals, with slight American influences, I would eat these exotic East Asian repasts. Instead of a hamburger and fries, I would find myself craving a plate of kimchi or a variety of sushi rolls.
It was partially a strange taste for food that I had developed from Tae Kwon-Do tournaments. They tended to attract the surprisingly large number of immigrants to Europe from South Korea, Japan and China. And so, accordingly, the events tended to attract vendors of traditional East Asian cuisine. Once I had had my first bowl of bubbling kimchi soup, I simply couldn't stop craving the exotic flavours and bright colours. Who am I kidding? Maybe it was just an addiction to MSG. The thought of being a junkie and having enough of a weakness of personality and will to succumb to such primitive urges didn't fit well with my sense of self-image, though.
No, from my point-of-view, I developed my love of those delicacies because I wanted to become a vegetarian. I just found the idea of herding cattle to the slaughter a highly un-appetizing notion. It was simply unethical to raise a creature simply for the sake of killing it and then partaking of its flesh. All those living things which possessed self-interest had a right to life. A cow had an undeniable self-interest. I heard they screamed as they were hacked apart. That, to me, indicated self-interest, an ability to feel and perceive pain, and an innate right to life. That was why I ate kimchi. Cabbage and paprika could not feel pain and were not aware of their existence. Plus, it spared me from all that fat and gristle being in my body.
But, of course, we all needed our protein from somewhere. Unfortunately, I had never developed much of a taste for nuts. Even water chestnuts had a bizarre texture to them that ruined a perfectly good stir fry. Peanuts left a less-than-flattering odour on a person's breath. I was a picky kid. Spoiled, was probably quite an accurate term for me. But times had changed. None of it had been real and now I was Awakened. The slop we served on our Hovercraft provided the human body with more protein than one could ever obtain from slaughtering a cow. It had roughly the same protein content we had obtained in our pods, being fed heinous things by The Machines, so I was told.
Every now and then, however, we would serve a plate of kimchi on The Hapsburg. During the Exodus from Horizon, we had taken a few bok choy and suey choy plants from the bio-domes and gardens maintained within our former home in Triluminary. GwailouSaang had taught me how to prepare the meal from the scarce plant life we had, and so we continued to serve kimchi when we had cause to celebrate. It helped keep me grounded in reality- softly consoling me with its strong pungent taste that some of what I had experienced in The Simulation had been real. Or, at least, had once been real to other people before The War had happened and Humanity had been imprisoned by The Machines.
There was something- or someone- else that kept me from fully ever making my peace with this world and accepting The Real for what it was. Silvia. She had been my fiancée during my time as a Bluepill. She had really been the only one who could understand me. Not even my own parents would accept my choices. They would not always chide me or tell me to do other than what I set out to do. But my dreams were still haunted by those disappointed eyes that would just stare silently at me whenever I chose to change the Major of my degree, or when I began participating in professional martial arts tournaments instead of attending courses at University.
But Silvia had understood. She had accepted me. She looked upon what I did as being no different than what she did. Her opera singing had the potential of making her more money, yes. But she had seen my martial arts as being just as important as hers- just as much an art as that beautiful voice.
The most painful part of all this, I could not decide. Was it worse that I now wondered whether she truly ever existed? Or was it even more horrible of me that I could scarcely even remember the sound of her voice? It had been two years now. Three years since I had last seen her. Two years- perhaps longer, I could no longer tell- since I had heard her voice on the phone asking when I would be able to catch a flight home. I had never caught that flight. Instead, I allowed myself to be suckered into all this. This fight for a brighter future in a world gone mad and fittingly full of madmen. It was all Quatsch. Rubbish. One lie led into another and into another.
And the biggest lie seemed to be what existed beyond Mega City. I had asked The Machines on numerous occasions. What was Austria? Where was my fiancée? Where did I come from? The Machines had refused to even deign to answer my questions. The Merovingian had simply brushed off my questions and insisted that, in time, my loyalty would be rewarded with the answers I sought. But after two years of service and numerous horrible acts committed for the sake of this elusive promise, I had received nothing. Just the address of my younger brother. I had Awakened him, Schlafsucher, but it wasn't enough. It was hardly enough. I deserved the truth. All of it. Not just small pieces, here and there, cut out and handed to me like little samples of sushi- only sparking the appetite, rather than satisfying it.
It just... wasn't fair. The truth was my birth-right. Everyone deserved to know where they came from. Family was not a bargaining chip. It was something that could not be kept apart.
Apparently my thoughts were becoming visible to the crew as we sat in the mess hall. I tried to keep my mind away from thoughts such as these until I was alone in my quarters. The crew did not need a Captain whose mind was divided and dismayed by personal concerns. They needed a Captain who was of one mind and one purpose: completing the mission we had set out with since the beginning. But the kimchi had led to one thought after another until I found myself feeling my hate for The Machines and The Merovingian welling up within me. I felt the warm heat of a single tear rolling down my cheek.
Schlafsucher, deciding to catch it before anyone else thought more of it, offered, "Awfully hot, eh Herr Kommandant?"
I chuckled and wiped the tear away as I leaned back, pretending to be over-come by the spiciness of the meal. "Ach ja. I think I put too much paprika in. Terribly sorry. I hope I didn't ruin this batch."
The rest of the crew seemed satisfied with this answer and went back to their own conversations. But I just stared at the wall in front of me for a few minutes more, trying to picture the night I had asked Silvia to marry me in my mind. But as hard as I tried, I couldn't remember her voice. I could see her, in the wonderful black dress she had worn. I could see her run her hand through her blonde hair as she laughed, like she always did when I made a joke. We always had such dry senses of humour. But for the life of me I could not remember the sound of her voice. And I hated myself for it.
At that moment, my expression turned grim. I rose from my seat at the table and straightened my uniform. A hush fell over the mess hall, the crew knowing an announcement was to be made. "At 1800, we will be leaving our listening post here beneath The Temple at setting a course for Broadcast Depth. I will have more for you once we are in position to transmit into The Matrix. That is all for now."
I turned and began to leave the mess hall, heading for my quarters to collect my thoughts and consider the ramifications of what was going through my mind. Schlafsucher was not far behind me.
"New mission?" He whispered, once he caught up with me.
"No. Just different priorities." I replied.
He gave me a concerned look. "Being?"
I tried my best to feign a smile, attempting to look confident and collected. "The two most important things in life: home and family."
It was partially a strange taste for food that I had developed from Tae Kwon-Do tournaments. They tended to attract the surprisingly large number of immigrants to Europe from South Korea, Japan and China. And so, accordingly, the events tended to attract vendors of traditional East Asian cuisine. Once I had had my first bowl of bubbling kimchi soup, I simply couldn't stop craving the exotic flavours and bright colours. Who am I kidding? Maybe it was just an addiction to MSG. The thought of being a junkie and having enough of a weakness of personality and will to succumb to such primitive urges didn't fit well with my sense of self-image, though.
No, from my point-of-view, I developed my love of those delicacies because I wanted to become a vegetarian. I just found the idea of herding cattle to the slaughter a highly un-appetizing notion. It was simply unethical to raise a creature simply for the sake of killing it and then partaking of its flesh. All those living things which possessed self-interest had a right to life. A cow had an undeniable self-interest. I heard they screamed as they were hacked apart. That, to me, indicated self-interest, an ability to feel and perceive pain, and an innate right to life. That was why I ate kimchi. Cabbage and paprika could not feel pain and were not aware of their existence. Plus, it spared me from all that fat and gristle being in my body.
But, of course, we all needed our protein from somewhere. Unfortunately, I had never developed much of a taste for nuts. Even water chestnuts had a bizarre texture to them that ruined a perfectly good stir fry. Peanuts left a less-than-flattering odour on a person's breath. I was a picky kid. Spoiled, was probably quite an accurate term for me. But times had changed. None of it had been real and now I was Awakened. The slop we served on our Hovercraft provided the human body with more protein than one could ever obtain from slaughtering a cow. It had roughly the same protein content we had obtained in our pods, being fed heinous things by The Machines, so I was told.
Every now and then, however, we would serve a plate of kimchi on The Hapsburg. During the Exodus from Horizon, we had taken a few bok choy and suey choy plants from the bio-domes and gardens maintained within our former home in Triluminary. GwailouSaang had taught me how to prepare the meal from the scarce plant life we had, and so we continued to serve kimchi when we had cause to celebrate. It helped keep me grounded in reality- softly consoling me with its strong pungent taste that some of what I had experienced in The Simulation had been real. Or, at least, had once been real to other people before The War had happened and Humanity had been imprisoned by The Machines.
There was something- or someone- else that kept me from fully ever making my peace with this world and accepting The Real for what it was. Silvia. She had been my fiancée during my time as a Bluepill. She had really been the only one who could understand me. Not even my own parents would accept my choices. They would not always chide me or tell me to do other than what I set out to do. But my dreams were still haunted by those disappointed eyes that would just stare silently at me whenever I chose to change the Major of my degree, or when I began participating in professional martial arts tournaments instead of attending courses at University.
But Silvia had understood. She had accepted me. She looked upon what I did as being no different than what she did. Her opera singing had the potential of making her more money, yes. But she had seen my martial arts as being just as important as hers- just as much an art as that beautiful voice.
The most painful part of all this, I could not decide. Was it worse that I now wondered whether she truly ever existed? Or was it even more horrible of me that I could scarcely even remember the sound of her voice? It had been two years now. Three years since I had last seen her. Two years- perhaps longer, I could no longer tell- since I had heard her voice on the phone asking when I would be able to catch a flight home. I had never caught that flight. Instead, I allowed myself to be suckered into all this. This fight for a brighter future in a world gone mad and fittingly full of madmen. It was all Quatsch. Rubbish. One lie led into another and into another.
And the biggest lie seemed to be what existed beyond Mega City. I had asked The Machines on numerous occasions. What was Austria? Where was my fiancée? Where did I come from? The Machines had refused to even deign to answer my questions. The Merovingian had simply brushed off my questions and insisted that, in time, my loyalty would be rewarded with the answers I sought. But after two years of service and numerous horrible acts committed for the sake of this elusive promise, I had received nothing. Just the address of my younger brother. I had Awakened him, Schlafsucher, but it wasn't enough. It was hardly enough. I deserved the truth. All of it. Not just small pieces, here and there, cut out and handed to me like little samples of sushi- only sparking the appetite, rather than satisfying it.
It just... wasn't fair. The truth was my birth-right. Everyone deserved to know where they came from. Family was not a bargaining chip. It was something that could not be kept apart.
Apparently my thoughts were becoming visible to the crew as we sat in the mess hall. I tried to keep my mind away from thoughts such as these until I was alone in my quarters. The crew did not need a Captain whose mind was divided and dismayed by personal concerns. They needed a Captain who was of one mind and one purpose: completing the mission we had set out with since the beginning. But the kimchi had led to one thought after another until I found myself feeling my hate for The Machines and The Merovingian welling up within me. I felt the warm heat of a single tear rolling down my cheek.
Schlafsucher, deciding to catch it before anyone else thought more of it, offered, "Awfully hot, eh Herr Kommandant?"
I chuckled and wiped the tear away as I leaned back, pretending to be over-come by the spiciness of the meal. "Ach ja. I think I put too much paprika in. Terribly sorry. I hope I didn't ruin this batch."
The rest of the crew seemed satisfied with this answer and went back to their own conversations. But I just stared at the wall in front of me for a few minutes more, trying to picture the night I had asked Silvia to marry me in my mind. But as hard as I tried, I couldn't remember her voice. I could see her, in the wonderful black dress she had worn. I could see her run her hand through her blonde hair as she laughed, like she always did when I made a joke. We always had such dry senses of humour. But for the life of me I could not remember the sound of her voice. And I hated myself for it.
At that moment, my expression turned grim. I rose from my seat at the table and straightened my uniform. A hush fell over the mess hall, the crew knowing an announcement was to be made. "At 1800, we will be leaving our listening post here beneath The Temple at setting a course for Broadcast Depth. I will have more for you once we are in position to transmit into The Matrix. That is all for now."
I turned and began to leave the mess hall, heading for my quarters to collect my thoughts and consider the ramifications of what was going through my mind. Schlafsucher was not far behind me.
"New mission?" He whispered, once he caught up with me.
"No. Just different priorities." I replied.
He gave me a concerned look. "Being?"
I tried my best to feign a smile, attempting to look confident and collected. "The two most important things in life: home and family."