Obstruction slips, knowledge falters, tearing at sutures.
As the four walls around me seemingly begin to shrink, I go out and take a walk, there at less people around at night. Those who are around give me a wide-berth; guess I look like I got nothing of value, nothing to offer anyone. There was one time some punk got me from behind and tried to slit my throat with a makeshift, rusting knife. Almost before I knew what was happening, I instinctually had him on the floor, the same knife to his throat. I couldn't explain how. I let him go to scurry off back into the shadows, tail between his legs. People around the derelict part of this decaying town haven’t come near me since, suits me fine.
Overcoming the gag reflex, heart in fist, learning to swim.
My heart bursts into flames, feels like it wants to jump ship. My whole body feels heavy and I’m pinned to the spot like no force could conceivably move me. I blink fast through the rain, rub my eyes, muscle memory. I fixate on the rough outline of a shape fifty feet ahead of me, a small, maligned figure, barely lit by flashbulbs of lightning through the darkness. Panic spreads all over me as I fully submit to the realisation that I have seen this place before. My eyes grow accustomed to the brief, sharp flashes of available light. A wash of terror floods my senses as I begin to inch forward involuntarily, I am powerless to stop myself and whatever is driving me. Ten feet away, two streetlights burst into life causing my eyes to slam shut in automatic defence. The light projects a steady beam onto the ground in front of my reluctant path.
I finally stop myself walking a few feet away from the shape, at least I think it was me. I rub my eyes before opening them wide to make sure they aren’t deceiving me. A flashbulb of lightning illuminates the scene as I blink hard through the rain. I’m confronted by an image I had avoided for months, an image I swear I’d never allow myself to see again, one that just isn’t possible outside my dreams. The marionette flails its arms wildly in front of me for a second then comes to a rest, head hanging towards the ground as if it was turned off suddenly. Fear rushes to my mouth but I cannot summon my synapses to allow me to scream.
My blood runs cold and my heart burns, I can’t move again. The marionette stands motionless, hung by strings I’d never seen in my dreams, I manage to glance skywards but am beaten back by the rain. I try to run but nothing happens. I must have fallen asleep; this must be the next stage of the dream. Here again, as it always was. This can’t be real. Just wake up. Wake UP. Its head slowly rises to face me, but I can’t turn away. I'm granted a scream as the very nature of my reality falls down around me in the space of a second. The face of the gaunt marionette....Is my face.
Darkness invades my mind, eyes and heart. I can’t breathe, think or act. In the same instant, another figure comes from one of the buildings lining the street, I can just make out a tie. They stand over me and point a gun at my head, a sadistic smile creeping across their face. The smile turns to anger, I think they say the word “Fate” A car appears, seemingly from nowhere, and screeches to a halt after running the second figure down.
The streetlights go off and the marionette vanishes. I fall to the floor, as if released from an unseen hold. Someone exits the car, yells something at me through the rain. I’m confused, terrified and suddenly aware of the dull thud of my heart still trying to punch its way out of my chest. It almost felt good; I hadn’t felt anything in such a long time. I haven’t the presence of mind to run, but merely the shortest of breaths to scream; “WHO ARE YOU” back at the person from the car. An arm reaches out, pulling me off the ground and toward them. They put their mouth to my ear to shout urgently through the still pounding rain. These were the last words I was to “hear” If I had known, I would’ve thought of something better to say in response.
“We know the agents are invading your dreams. Whatever it was, it was designed to sub-consciously lead you to this place for elimination. All we had was a location, and a name. You’re safe now, but we must leave, more will be coming. It’s time for you to learn to swim”
The familiarity and comfort of the words struck me, strange, as I was hearing them for the first time. Broken, consumed by a myriad of emotions too kaleidoscopic to pin-down, and still not convinced I'm not within a terrifyingly lucid dream, I fall to my knees, and through tears I fumble out one word:
Finally things get clearer; this is where I begin
Message Edited by exsuscito on 07.07.2006 08:56 AM
