A pleasant day in Camon Heights Central. Austrian steps off the hardline and checks the folds of his tie and then takes a glance at the area to see what new problems The Matrix has handed to him to solve.
Random PvP’er1: Aha! Eat Full Auto Redux with dual Clippers!
Austrian (to self): Never heard of a “Clipper” before. Must be slang for a MAC Ingram.
Random PvP’er2: Hah! That’s nothing! *pulls out a small non-descript revolver*
Random PvP’er1: *CENSORED*? You’re gonna shoot me with your dinky gun? LMAO! Come on show me what you got! I’ll even let you get first sh-
Random PvP’er2 kills Random PvP’er1 with one clean head shot from his revolver
Random PvP’er2: BOOM! Head shot!
Random PvP’er3: Dude. That’s not a dinky gun! That’s a Q-Gun!
Random PvP’er3 flees. Random PvP’er2 gives chase, cackling madly about “the Death Star” or some such.
Vampire: Ah! My brothers, I shall feed tonight and sate my 800 year old thirst.
CoSEM guy: Dude. That’s god modding, being a vampire. Quit it. It’s so not cool.
Austrian: Hm? What’s going on here?
CoSEM guy: // Cool Transmission thing ///\\\//\\slashslashslash- Austrian. I have important information for you.
Austrian: Really? Pray tell, what might you have for me?
CoSEM guy: ///morelsashyslashslash- We have Linkslife. We are also after a bunch more people whose characters I like OOC. Of course, this is a continuation of the elitism that has become characteristic of our server’s RP. If you’re not one of about eight people, you will likely be ignored even if your RP is awesome. I’m about to invite you to participate but, incidentally, you won’t have any ramification on the plot whatsoever.
Austrian: You said something about eight people. Who are they? And what’s so special about them? Also, am I one of these eight people and that’s why you’re inviting me? Because I don’t tend to be much of an elitist…
Austrian waits 30 minutes while the CoSEM guy searches his database thing for answers. To pass the time, Austrian makes faces and attempts striking overly extravagant poses as is customary for many of the RP’ers in MxO. DarkenedLies falls asleep on the couch and has dreams of…darkness… and lies… I guess. Or Aust schooling him with his hardcore coolness in DOA4. Whichever.
CoSEM guy: File not found. Dunn!
Wixard: Quick! Press Ctrl+Alt+delete!
Austrian: I don’t see a keyboard handy… *examines CoSEM guy for a keyboard* What in hell? The buttons on his suit jacket are labelled with buttons. The space bar is his belt buckle… *presses the three buttons at once*
CoSEM guy: Search re-tried. Results found.
Austrian: Get to the point.
CoSEM guy: You are not one of the eight. The eight consist of people I like OOC for one reason or another. As previously mentioned, this is a private club. These characters are more highly evolved human specimens than yourself. We are inviting you because your help is needed to free Linkslife from his kidnappers.
Austrian: So… let me get this straight in my ‘vastly under-evolved’ brain. There are seven people who are higher life forms and are free, correct?
CoSEM guy: Correct.
Austrian: But you’re asking for my help?
CoSEM guy: Uhh… also correct.
Austrian: See… that doesn’t add up for me. Why would someone who is so much smarter, faster and stronger than my Neanderthal self need me to free them? I mean, why not ask for help from one of your other ‘alpha human’ types? You see, if you want to RP some high and mighty type, at least do it right. The lion doesn’t come to the mouse more than once. If he does, then you have to ask the question: which of the two really is more evolved? Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go eat ticks with my monkey friends. I’ll leave you self-proclaimed ‘lions’ to your self-glorifying Events. Oh! Another thing! You said vampires are god-modders?
CoSEM guy: For sure.
Austrian: And ‘more evolved higher life forms’ aren’t? And who decided you were more evolved?
CoSEM guy: Does not compute.
Austrian: Yeah. I bet. I wish I had a Q-Gun for every time I heard that when someone starts to use logic.
Former Hostage: Yay! We’re free at last!
Austrian: What are you doing here? I thought you were kidnapped by the cliché mysterious bad guy.
Former Hostage: Yes, but we were freed by our own faction.
Austrian: Well, that’s odd seeing as your faction made utterly no progress in the search for you while I was always at the fore front. I assisted The Merovingian Operatives by telling them what I knew of your history. I confronted your captors several times. My crew disarmed the code bombs. I was the first to figure out who your cliché mysterious bad guy was and made a deal with him for your release.
Former Hostage: Well, your contributions were not sufficiently noteworthy. But I mentioned DarkenedLies in… one of my posts. Yeah, once.
Austrian: Not sufficient? Well, this Event sounds as linear as a horizontal line.
Former Hostage: Not at all. It was highly interactive.
Austrian: Right. As interactive as a State of the Union address. You talk. We clap.
Former Hostage: Well, I’m dying on Friday. I hope you come. It will also be interactive.
Austrian: Yeah. Ok. I’ll forget to be there.
SWG immigrant: You will give me these pants for free…
Austrian: Ka-Ching the Street Vendor giving you a hard time?
SWG immigrant: Yeah. I’m a Hacker but my mind trick doesn’t work on this guy. What gives? *tries again* You will give me these sunglasses at a discount price…
Ka-Ching: Mind tricks don’t work on me! Only money!
Austrian: Wow. That’s… odd. Here let me try. You will give this man your pants for free…
Ka-Ching: Hey! I do that for you ‘cause you have cool accent! Heh! *starts to strip*
Austrian: Gott in Himmel! *runs away*
SWG Immigrant: Hey! Thanks man! May the Code be with you!
Austrian: Hmm… maybe this might work. *goes back to Former Hostage* You will create an Event which has an open-ended storyline. Not the BS ‘open-ended’ you put on your Event advertisements to make people show up in half-decent numbers but an actually undecided ending- or even course. Also, your Event will be open to the community not just to your private club of flunkies who will accept the script you hand them. Furthermore, you will make your Event fun for everyone, not just some self-glorifying cheap advertisement for your faction. Because, let’s face it, no one likes a kid who invites his friends over to play marbles but refuses to let them play unless everyone agrees that the host wins all the marbles- no matter what the score is in the end.
Former Hostage: Sure thing!
Austrian: I should have tried this on the CoSEM guy. It’d be funny to see how the uber soldat knock-off winds up having the will of a stormtrooper.
*Event ensues*
Austrian: Wow. That was… just like every other Event I’ve done this past month. Kidnapping by cliché bad guy. Victim’s faction saves him. Efforts of all other parties ignored. The end.
DarkenedLies: I know. I’m so mad.
Wixard: Me too.
Austrian: Let’s go play BF2.
DarkenedLies: How come?
Austrian: You can find better RP on there.
Wixard: Ouch.
Austrian: But whoever played that cliché bad guy did a good job. I was thinking of using a Spetsnaz execution technique on him but… I realized it was far too gory.
DarkenedLies: Spetsnaz execution technique? What’s that? Sit someone down and make them play MxO for an hour?
The three Hapsburg’s jack out and join the rest in BF2, free from kidnappings, hyper-evolved Redpills with the inability to solve their own problems, and Q-Gun one-hit kills.